prototype

One of the frustrating things about trying to follow baseball intelligently is the gap between the factual and the experiential.  For instance, statistics I won't bore you with show that the Cubs bullpen has really not been all that bad this year.  In fact, it's been pretty damn good. 

Those are the facts, but I never would have guessed them.  The Cubs bullpen makes me want to puke.  There's no other way to say it:  nobody comes out of the Cubs' pen and makes me feel confident about winning.  Generally, they make me feel like lying down and keeping a trashcan handy.

As you might have guessed, however, I feel better about the Cubs' chances since Prior and Ramirez are both healthy and back in the lineup.  I am still real worried about Prior--23 year-olds just aren't supposed to come out of a game after 1.2 innings citing elbow pain, and then be OK for a start 10 days later.  Is he really hurt?  Is he just a pansy?  I need to know the score.

I had more to say, but it has escaped me for now.  I will try to post more often so I don't have to remember so much.

This is the sound of me officially writing off the Cubs' season.  I was optimistic about the second half, but it was based on the assumption that the entire team would be back for the duration.  Now Prior should be shut down for the rest of the year, and it appears 2 weeks later that Aramis should have been DL'd with his groin injury.  All the news I hear is that the Cubs aren't going to be making a trade, either.  The goal right now should be .500 baseball.  And they've found another way to lose a game in which Clement pitched well.  Without Aramis, the Cubs are scarily close to looking like the Brewers.  Pathetic. 

So it's Nomar to the Cubs for prospects, who the Red Sox will trade to Arizona for Randy Johnson. At least, that's according to...to whom, exactly? I'm pretty sure this is just a pipe dream, but it's a very pleasant pipe dream, is it not? And at least it's pervasive, and seemingly more substantial than it was yesterday, which is always a good sign. Of course, we also know how jumpy the Red Sox can be when it's time to close a deal. I'd give this like a 0.003% chance of actually happening.

There's a lot of wild speculation out there about who the Cubs should trade, and to whom, and who they should get for next to nothing. All I can say is that the Cubs "prospects" must be awfully promising, because they never seem to be giving up anybody from the major league roster about to get guys like Nomar, or Carlos Beltran, or Randy Johnson, or whomever. Look, I'd love to see a Nomarish lineup, so much so that I will happily write it out:

1. Todd Walker 2B
2. Derek Lee 1B
3. Sammy Sosa RF
4. Aramis Ramirez 3B
5. Nomar Garciaparra SS
6. Moises Alou LF
7. Michael Barret C
8. Corey Patterson CF
9. Prior, Wood, Clement, Zambrano, Maddux (yes, I rate them in that order)

THAT is a damn good lineup. That lineup reels in the Cardinals by late August. It's very seductive to imagine such a lineup. But a few caveats: 1) It's not going to happen, and 2) Who are we giving up from the farm? Because there are some damn good guys down there, guys I really want to see filling out Cubs unis for years to come. They include:

Francis Beltran - Could be the better-known Beltran in the league, in a few years. This guy has an excellent arm, a pretty good makeup (came back nicely from that 50,000-foot homer he gave up early in the season to Richie Sexson), and great stuff. Beltran should stay, although it's not a must.

Bobby Brownlie - Another good young arm, probably the most major-league ready in the system, not an untouchable but close.

Angel Guzman - Dead arm right now, live arm in the future? I've heard great things about him, and good young pitchers do not grow on trees.

Brendan Harris - Already had his cup of coffee this year, playing a position he doesn't usually play. Looks like he can actually hit, which is positive, and not a bad-looking 2B, I wouldn't think.

I don't know that I'd trade any of those guys to get Nomar for 80-odd games. It's nice actually trusting the Cubs' GM to make a good choice, though. It's Hendry Time. It might not be Nomar, but let's get us a bat.

I achieved a Yahtzee score of 408 last night. It was my third-ever game of Yahtzee. I officially quit the sport, at the height of my dominance and splendor. I will not completely rule out the possibility of a comeback, however.

I leave in 1.5 hrs for St. Louis, where terrace box seats at Busch Stadium for a Friday afternoon game vs the Cubs are apparently just $25. I've never been there, and lord knows I've heard enough bad things about it, but St. Louis seems pretty reasonable already. Of course, they've got the Cardinals there, so all its citizens must die. I go in great wrath to STL tonight.

Oh, one other thing: BILL, WHERE THE HELL HAS YOUR BLOG GONE?? Also, you owe me a list of casted characters, per our discussion. Or I will call in an air strike on you.

I will stand by everything I said regarding the Cardinals. I am going to the game on Friday, Maddux vs. Marquis. I like that matchup. For whatever reason, I am not scared of the Cardinals.

"They send us a toe, and we're supposed to shit ourselves with fear!"

In other news, wiffleball excitement is building with the prospect of an 8-team, double-elimination tournament at Rick Bach's house. This is going to be excellent, and probably a wonderful spectator opportunity, as well. Come one, come all! Rick and I will be teaming together as The Mooninites, and I shiver with excitement when I think of us dominating the little bitches who will be there only to receive their beatings from us.

I have been working hard on developing my command as a pitcher, and I have added a few new pitches to my arsenal. I have changed my approach to pitching about 3 times since I started playing wiffleball again, but this latest metamorphosis promises to be the best. I am trying to come with a little more velocity and some more severe lateral break; I found no fewer than FOUR new grips (new for me, anyway) last night that allowed me to coat my pitches more completely in filth than ever before. In addition to the forkball/slider I'd already nailed, I have now added a slurve and a screwball. It's all a tremendous waste of time, and I feel OK with that, to be honest with you.

I do need to start working on things, though...IMPORTANT things. What kinds of things? The mind positively reels at the possibilities. I'm tired of just hanging around my old neighborhood in neutral. I want to hang around in neutral at MY OWN place, on my own time, with my peeps all around me. We'll see what we can do to set things right. This has been fascinating, I'm sure.