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A surprising number of people have an opinion about the whole Paul Hamm situation, despite the fact that very few of them actually seem to know what they are talking about. Here's the deal as I understand it:

Yang Tae Young, the South Korean gymnast who was awarded bronze in the men's all-around, has complained that his parallel bars routine was not given its appropriate start value. For those of you unfamiliar with gymnastics, realize that not every routine can possibly score a "10." In fact, 2 judges must determine the maximum possible score for each routine before it can be scored. In Yang's case, the judges decided that his routine was a maximum 9.9. It turns out that this was wrong, and everybody agrees that the routine should have had a maximum value of 10. Deducting his errors from this higher possible total, Yang's overall score would have been good enough for gold.

Here's the problem with that: international gymnastics does not allow videotape review of any event. This makes a lot of sense, if you think about it. If every competitor could go back and nitpick every single mistake the judges made, it would take forever to score every meet. For example, tape review also shows that the judges failed to make a mandatory .2 deduction on the same routine that supposedly cost Yang the gold. Think about this: even though his start value could have been .1 higher, Yang's overall score would actually have been lower if you took every judging error into account.

That's why it makes sense for gymnastics to avoid video review, and why it makes no sense to me that people are calling for Hamm to give his medal to Yang. The judges made a mistake on Yang's start value, but you can't look only at that mistake and ignore all the others that were probably made during the course of the competition. The athletes are aware before they begin that some judging mistakes are probably going to occur. This mistake was unfortunate, but I'd venture to guess (especially based on the scores handed out in last night's competition) that it wasn't unique.

In fact, gymnastics scoring was weird all week. I have been watching the Olympics almost religiously--I'm way more into it than I thought I'd be--and for awhile, I could actually predict scores to within .1, most of the time. Then, during the individual competition, a LOT of discrepancies started showing up. This was nowhere more clear than in the rings final, when Greece's Dimo Tampakos was awarded gold over Bulgaria's Jordan Jovtchev after he finished a notably inferior routine. Tampakos was solid, but Jovtchev's moves were better and he stuck his landing, which the Greek failed to do. The judges were obvioulsy swayed by the crowd, and the Bulgarian got jobbed. Just like Alexei Nemov did last night in the high bar. But I digress.

The Cubs Embargo is again in full swing, with predictable results: 5 wins in 6 games. It's a proven fact that the Cubs excel when I pay no attention to them, so I will continue to do my part. Instead, I can spend my time dreaming about the day a white boy wins a sprint race at the Olympics--oh wait, that ACTUALLY HAPPENED. I guess there's always women's beach volleyball, eh?

NOT TO MENTION THE FACT that Alou has been doubled off from the outfield because he forgot how many outs there were AT LEAST 57 times this year. This guy runs the bases like a mentally handicapped 12-year old girl with 2 broken legs, falls into interminable slumps during which he couldn't hit with a tennis racket, gets himself tossed from games because he's too self-centered to realize you shouldn't do things like that during a pennant race, who pisses all over his hands, and who then whines about how the fans are mean to the team and how the broadcasters should focus on more positive aspects of his play! Further proof that Cubs fans are stupid: Moises hit a couple game-winning homers earlier this year, so now he gets a free pass for being a slumping, micturating, whining little bitch! He's possibly the Anti-Christ. He's certainly the Anti-Scott Rolen.

Easily the most frustrating thing about this year's Cubs team--which is dead to me, by the way--is how unlikable it has been. Let's go around the diamond to investigate our cast of heroes:

P. Kerry Wood, Mark Prior, Matt Clement, Carlos Zambrano, Greg Maddux. The starters are easily the most likable group on the team, but where's the leadership? Wood and Zambrano have been suspended for childish outbursts, and Big Z has at times seemed completely insane. Things fall off rapidly, sanity-wise, in the pen, where resident head-cases LaTroy Hawkins and Kyle "Tightpants" Farnsworth reside. Additionally, you have a guy who was pissed because he started sucking again (JoBo), a guy who sucked so bad he could have thrown better with his glove hand (Andy Pratt), and a cast of players who started strong and faded fast: Michael Wuertz, John Leicester, and apparently Ryan Dempster. It's not their fault that they are bad, but they have a collective inability to throw strikes that drives me nuts. Last night, Kent Mercker lost career .150 hitter Trent Durrington, walking him with a full count. In essence, our pitchers comprise a group that has no discernible leader or stand-up guy, and most of whose members have had disappointing seasons or infuriating habits.

C. Michael Barrett has been a big surprise, and is possibly the most fan-friendly, nice guy on the team. He is exempt from my wrath, in large part. Paul Bako is one of the shittiest players on earth, though, and that's tough to take every fifth game.

1B. Derrek Lee is one of the most inconsistent hitters I've seen this year. When he's hot, he's ON FIRE, hitting everything in sight. He never stays hot for long, though, and he strikes out a lot in big situations, it seems. Remember my theory: inconsistent hitting is the most frustrating thing for a fan to watch. Derrek has been a prime example of this theory in action.

2B. Grudz is OK, but he PLAYS ALL THE TIME. You can trace a lot of my angst about this broken year back to Dusty, actually. Grudz is a decent player, but Walker has been one of the best 2nd basemen in the league this year--when he gets to play, which is almost never. Why? No reason, really--Just Trust Dusty!! Well, I don't: therefore, seeing Grudz in the lineup pisses me off.

SS. You know my thoughts on Alex Gonzalez, and Nomar was recently traded for far less than equal value because he was a bad clubhouse guy. He was a breath of fresh air initially, but he's not currently leading the team anywhere, by example or by word. Just another underachiever, at this point.

3B. Aramis has been great, but does he even speak English? And he's hurt all the time now. Hard for me to really like a guy I can't understand, and who has to take big games off. Again, the injury is obviously not his fault, but frustrates me as a fan nonetheless.

LF. Alou has been among the league's biggest whiners this year, allegedly telling fans that they were too negative and actually reacting to negative commentary by Chip and Stoney. I mean, what a fucking baby! Play the game and don't worry about what the announcers are saying. How does he even KNOW what they're saying? Does he TiVo the games and watch them afterward? Why would he do this? Why would he tell somebody he pees on his hands? Why did he get himself tossed from Sunday's Dodgers game in the 7th inning? What a jerk.

CF. Corey has been another Captain of the Inconsistent Brigade, and he basically tells everybody who'll listen that even when he's going really bad, he's not going to change his approach. Maybe this isn't even a bad thing to do, but it seems arrogant, just like a lot of the Cubs have seemed arrogant this year. He's going good right now though, and really has had a pretty damn good year--after he decided to just shut up and play. Perhaps this is an example some of the other Cubs can follow.

RF. The Prima Donna has been no less than an engine of glee for his detractors this year. Not only have his numbers fallen off, but he was out due to a highly questionable sneezing injury, and has recently said, allegedly, that he won't take well to hitting lower than cleanup.

I'm exhausted. I'll talk more about Sammy and Dusty later. I've wasted so much time on this season already, though.

You know who you never hear about anymore? Michael Keaton. What happened to that guy? He was in a lot of good movies: Johnny Dangerously, Mr. Mom, Beetlejuice, The Paper, Out of Sight, Gung Ho, Multiplicity, The Dream Team...this guy was Batman, for God's sake. And he's a good actor--he does comedy, drama, and soft-focus emotional stuff pretty well. I miss him.

Here's a fun stat: by some measures I happen to endorse very highly, the Cubs' record is 4 games worse than it should be. By this, I mean that Pythagoras (remember him?) would expect a team that has scored 489 runs and allowed only 405 to have won 62 games at this point in the season. At 62-43, the Cubs would not only lead the wild-card chase, they'd have the third-best record in the entire major leagues (Cards and Yankees).

By contrast, the SF Giants have outperformed their expected record by 2 wins, and the Reds by a whopping 7. I've employed a favorite phrase against Reds fans since late May, when I advised them to enjoy their time above .500. And indeed, the Reds found it hard to be so lucky for so long.

We can only hope that the Giants will encounter the same difficulty, and that the Cubs' luck will start to even out. There's no guarantee that luck evens out over the course of a single season (in fact, it rarely does), but trends do even out eventually. Here's hoping Eventually is Now.

(PS: Nomar!)

I caught myself daydreaming about Nomar today. It's so awesome that he's on the Cubs. I feel really bad for Red Sox fans, who have to console themselves with the fact that Nomar was apparently a real a-hole in their clubhouse. Poor, poor tortured Red Sox fans.

In fairness to them, Nomar's saga has been truly bizarre--this is a guy who hit .372 less than 4 full seasons ago, who has never hit less than .300 in any season in which he's played more than 25 games, who none other than Ted Williams (the all-time greatest Red Sock) tabbed as his favorite active Red Sox player. And the guy didn't even last 10 years in Beantown. Think that might tell you something about how nuts Bostonians are about their baseball team? I'm willing to admit that Nomar might be a prick behind the scenes, but this guy was beloved by Sox fans not 5 years ago. He was their boy. Now, they can only pretend that they're happy to see him go.

Well, I'm glad that the Sox were so anxious to shove him out the door that they basically gave him to the Cubs. Because now, instead of a steaming piece of dogshit between second and third, there now stands a stallion with a history of clutch hitting--a line-drive machine, a hustler, a great competitor, A REAL-LIVE MAJOR-LEAGUE PLAYER! I watched Nomar with my buddy Matt from Boston during the '99 playoffs: this guy was their only offensive weapon, and the Yankees still could not shut the guy down. I cannot wait for the Cubs to play a bunch of games so I can see what happens with a decent starting eight.

Of course, I have probably jinxed it all by now. But if you can't be happy about something like this, you probably need help. If it gets screwed up somehow, you know who to blame. But I'm feeling good. Out!

IT'S NOMAR TIME!!

Laura's brothers pulled a fast one on me today, announcing that the Cubs had acquired Nomar Garciaparra from the Red Sox for Francis Beltran, Felix Pie, Todd Walker, Brendan Harris, Alex Gonzalez, and another guy. This was not complete bullshit, as the Cubs did give up Beltran, Harris, Gonzalez, and Justin Jones--a lefty prospect NOBODY was talking about but who apparently may be the son of Kal-El--to acquire the aforementioned Mr. Mia Hamm. And you know what? I'm ecstatic!

Look, the argument could be made that today, Todd Walker cost the Cubs a run when he failed to pick up a routine grounder in the 2nd, allowing Jason Michaels to make first and score on Mike Lieberthal's home run. This is factual, but think of all the runs that Alex Gonzalez has cost the Cubs over the past few seasons of hitting like an absolute pile of dogshit. The guy was lauded last year for hitting a few "clutch" game-ending homers, but what people lose sight of is that THOSE GAMES MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN SO CLOSE IF HE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN A HIT OR TWO IN INNINGS 1-9.

People have also lost sight of the fact that, after Steve Bartman made his mistake last year, Gonzalez botched a potentially inning-ending, rally-killing double play that was one of the worst plays I've ever seen a major leaguer make. If you hit .242 for your career and are a huge choker in the field, I don't care to have you playing for my favorite team. In fact, I hated Alex S Gonzalez--in a baseball sense--more than I've ever hated any athlete in my life. I am relieved and so pleased to be able to simply forget about him. Almost as pleased as I am to have Nomar on the team.

Almost. It's like this: the Cubs have removed the worst player on their team and replaced him with an All-Star caliber player who makes a lot of contact at the dish, and who should be re-energized by a change of scenery. And, oh yeah, whose wife is the lovely Mia Hamm. Thank you Jim Hendry. Thank you.